I've realized...

--> I can....therefore I must help!!

--> That its not the quantum but it is the willingness to share that matters.

--> Every tiny little drop of help helps those in need in more ways than you can imagine.

--> It truly is an emotion thats deeply spiritual and fulfilling.

Please feel free to join me / our team

http://www.kiva.org/team/mad_4_people
http://www.kiva.org/lender/kjagannathan

of cross-dressers and their daily predicaments...

Quote I read on a friend's facebook wall who took it from an "undisclosed" source --> "I stopped trying to be a man cause its such a waste of a woman" and I continue quote "now who cares who said this, this quote takes it all!"

Obvious questions --> What was "tried" and what was "wasted" and what/who is "all" and finally are we even sure this wasn't a cross dressing male/female who was very simply just having a hard time making his/her mind about what 'type' of clothes to wear that particular day?!

Conclusion --> That quote was vaguely brilliant yet brilliantly vague..!! So now I am having a hard time making up my mind to "like" it or not...

Some one PLEASE help....the cross dresser first...obviously thats a bigger crisis...!! :D

Glory...and what it is worth...

Emil Cioran's perhaps most thought provoking a.k.a the question that disturbed me the most is (or rather was...till few evenings back) - "Glory - once achieved what is it worth?"

We, human beings, whether we want to or not, need inspiration, aspiration, appreciation! Why we need those - that'll be a separate topic of discussion for a later point in time.

For ponderers - most times, our inspirations/aspirations directly or indirectly reflect those virtues, that people who matter most to us, wish for us to cultivate and live by. The end result of which, as distant as it may appear right now, is perceived as indescribable by mere words.

I would like to believe, what IT is worth therefore, is directly equal to the 'waste' of potential if not achieved/utilized. Only that Learned teacher would know this suffering. Only That devout student of his would truly understand the pain and see IT worthy of pursuit. Only They can explain what I have perhaps failed to explain here - what Glory is really worth.

Top 5 - Office LOLs! :D

5. Oh dear lord.....!!!.......Yes. How can I help you? (in unison...!)

4. "aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaachhhhhhhhhhhhoooooooooooo"......Bless you...and thank you for waking up our colleagues in China!!

3.  "moooooooooooooo" and thats your 'holy' cow!!.....Our cows are not like that...they dont mooo!!...And why not.....?!.....Thats why they are holy man!!

2. Does anyone want to step out for lunch?......Yes! But not with you!!

1. They are like us!....You mean incredibly good looking and talented...?!

...of lillies and their prickly demeanor! :P

Concert in Belgium: #2

Venue: Botanique, Brussels

Band: Lilly wood and the prick

One word summary: ENERGETIC

More:
....so out came Lilly on stage surrounded by her multi-talented pricks an hour later than the scheduled time but it suited us just fine as we were 'on time' after a rather ridiculous day @ work!

The music was high voltage, the sound was fantastic....their energetic presence on stage was simply uncontrollably contagious! Excellent songs! There were songs that sounded very "Oasis" with some amazing "Rush" like rather long instrumedlies in the middle of some of them.

One of the "pricks" even pulled out a flute in the middle of a song and that was particularly refreshing!! The drummer who appeared like a "leaner" Ben Affleck did an amazing job behind his kit. As always - most of my time was spent "looking" at the drummer!!

All in all an excellent concert...! I'd definitely go see little lilly and her rather talented boys again anytime!! :))

Rishikesh....

It is not very often in life you feel transformed into the best version of yourself....

And in my case...in the not-too-distant past...I questioned if I even had a better version of me...and I was extremely lucky to have met and known my Rishikesh Swamiji...! And I truly transformed in Rishikesh everytime...!

Today is the saddest day of my stupid meaningless trivial life....as I sit here and think of every act of kindness shown toward me from Rishikesh Swamiji...the first one of it being acknowledge my stupid arrogant existence as an act....and console me that I do have a better version....and that transformation is indeed possible and achievable....!! All I can do now is wail in the kind of pain I have never known...!!

Life truly does become irreparably sad and damaged knowing I dont have Swamiji to visit in Rishikesh anymore.....

As I read His life here -->  http://www.sivanandaonline.org/public_html/?cmd=displaysection&section_id=1501&parent=1055&format=html

I cant but help cry uncontrollably for my loss.....!!!

2011 - Top 5 :O 's!

>>> Use the right term...its rhythmic, synchronized inflow and outflow of air!!
           - Wise man explaining snoring to frustrated wife!! :D

>>> So Pakistan is safe for no one now?!?!
           - Asked an "observer" on facebook after Laden was brought down!!

>>> Recent study shows lack of interest in marriage! Mostly amongst married people!!
           - Concluded David Letterman!!

>>> Intelligence believed Laden stayed at his compound in hiding for six years with all his wives and kids...or what some may say....prelude to hell...!!
            - Exclaimed a few happy bachelors!!

>>> Growing big is one thing.....but you know....my friend...staying big is another thing!!
            - as usual NO ONE knows what Sidhu meant!! :D

Attention to details...!

The way I see it....

It often tells you whether you are important or not in the scheme of things if ---

1. You are remembered to be invited to be a part of "the scheme"!
2. And then you wonder why! :)

But what leaves no doubt in your mind is when you are invited and you find out that every single 'quirkiness' of yours has been tended to in the scheme things. This past weekend was arguably one the best weekends in the recent past. I attended a Belgian wedding. I know both the bride and groom fairly well and for a reasonably long time!!

Firstly they remembered to seat me on a table where they knew my handicap of not speaking Flemish would be irrelevant!! And then they even cared enough to remember that I was a "non-mushroom" eating vegetarian!! So there was a separate list of dishes prepared specially for yours truly!! :)

My heart-felt thank you to both and obviously my wishes once again for a long happy life filled with marital bliss! 

......skin (s)creams!!!

today...time and again - it kept coming back to me that the bloke who "warm welcomed" me to this country wasn't joking when he asked me the question "...and you wanted to come back???"

if there is one cosmetic product that never was launched ever in Belgium...it has to be sun screen lotions!

cold creams are to South India what sun screen lotions are to Belgium!!

every once in a blue moon day like today...when two South Indians decide to kayak on a "bright" "hot" day in Belgium....there is a truly bizzarre exchange of words!!  "Do you have sun screen lotion on you?!?!" And of course that is perhaps the last thing anyone moving to Belgium expects to be needing here!!

We had to buy sun screen lotion from that ONE store in Belgium and surely enough...towards early evening we had to return the unused tube back!! :P

Ode to my solitude...

Very clichéd title...but I hope/believe the contents perhaps aren't!

you are my everything...
you are my friend...
for as long as you are here...
there truly is no dissonance I need fear...
you say the things nobody dares to say...
whilst keeping me company every night and day...
my dear solitude...leave me not till the end...
I wont let you go...
unless you wish me too...I fear...
like all things...I hold dear...
with the hope of  discovering....
a replacement...
as reliable...as permanent...as constant... as you are to me!
for as long as you are here...
there truly is no dissonance I need fear...

...breakfast banter!

Beautiful morning today! Perfect morning truth be told...there is that certain energy at home this morning...!!

Very often 'ponderers' like myself have the 'right' or 'wrong' debate! And mostly that debate sort of acts as a prequel to the 'done' or the 'not-done' deed...in the mind-movie!!

I mean we always do what we want..! So this debate is often just a meaningless autopsy of the dead done deed...followed by a 'fresher' list of even more meaningless resolutions that never will be followed through on...! :)

I think here is where the GREAT Swami Sivananda's quote has helped me -- "Be good. Do good" and in my rather humble opinion, especially, on this topic where I try to give my explanation to a great quote/instruction from the Great Swami, the brilliance lies in the bluntness of the quote.

It wasn't "Be right! and Do right!" It wasn't "Think good! and Feel good!"

Be good to yourself & others and Do good to yourself & others!! It can even be as simple as not hurting yourself and others intentionally!! If at all any resolution is to be taken and followed through on...this is the one!!

The perfect blend of self discipline and karma yoga!! Resulting in seeing yourself in others and others in yourself and ultimately being the ONE Self!!

Top 5 GPS moments!!

Well...here goes! The lovely GPS lady on the car!! Without her I would be at the coast everyday instead of the office...

5. Make a U turn if possible. Try again in 200 meters. Try harder!! AGAIN you jacka**!!

4. Stay on this road for a LOOONG time. But stay awake! Easier to drive with eyes open!!

3. Turn right and immediately turn left...! And then the fifth exit at the round about!!

2. Navigation system starting up...! Hitting the "NAV" button repeatedly may cause me to irritate you with confusing directions!!

1. The steering wheel is on the other side...please move away from the passenger's seat on to the driver's seat by opening the correct door if you are the one driving this car now...!!

of mountains and moles...

Every situation is only as complex and confusing as you want it to be!

Being a subject matter expert in making mountains out of moles...I can say this with a lot of confidence that most things fall in place naturally! Any struggle or forced action is often just the perfect ingredient required to make a mountain out of a mole! :)

a metronome called MANGINI...

Date: 31 July 2011
Location: Lokeren, Belgium

Time - 1900
State of mind - Pensive
State of leg - Sour (from all the walking, driving etc etc)
Music - Thin Lizzy (screaming out their 'unheard' hits from their glory days)
                              **************************
Time - 2000
State of mind - OHHHH...WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME?! WHY AM I HERE?!
State of leg - Ready for amputation
Music - Channel Zero (more sreaming...people screaming...its getting cold...!!)
                              **************************
Time - 2200
State of mind - They better be good!! Enough is enough...whats taking so long?!?!
State of leg - 2nd wind!! Ready to rock!! :P
Music - Dream Theater featuring the human metronome "Mike Mangini"

Every stroke on the drum kit was PERFECT in size, smell, shape, color, density...! What a wonderful concert. Amazing!!   

warm welcome (?)

So........!! Am back in Belgium! But not before the last ounce of energy was totally sucked out by the driving licenses office in Madras!

Anyway...as the adage goes...all's well that ends well....! Indeed. No complaints...atleast not anymore!

I think this one's certainly begun on the right note...

So, you've come to live here...
Yes...
Do you know it gets really cold here??
I think I'll manage.
Are you sure?
Yes...I've been here before.
And you wanted to come back?!
Yes...I am a big fan of the chocolates...
And NOT the beer?!?!
Oh yes...the beer too!
Very well then. Nothing more. Welcome to Belgium!

Top 5 - trains are better than planes!

1. You'll never ever have to say the words - "I would wait if I could!!"

2. You'll never hear the words...."Walk down...take left and walk till the end of the world to gate 52..."

3. You'll never need to walk 200 kms to gate 52...half asleep!!

4. You'll never have to witness your "special" meal given away to someone else...

5. You'll never be felt up by strangers in public...without being properly remunerated...!! :P

The struggle within….

Why am I being put through this? What did I do to deserve this? How can this happen? Is this fair?

I don’t even know if I am worthy of this. I am sure I didn’t deserve this much. I am unworthy of this extraordinary kindness.

Despite appearing completely diametrically opposite in nature – it is my opinion that both these statements in fact exemplify the presence of a very very strong sense of ego within.

It is only but human to question and complain about the seemingly unfair and unjust. Its clear! Its natural! And needs no explaining! :)

But part 2 took a little bit of realization – it is your ego very very smartly concealed with a cloak of humility that causes you to exclaim and wonder if you are a worthy recipient of some kind gesture especially if you attribute it to coming down from Up Above. The “you know better” sense will be revealed with some introspection and analysis. It would be smart to not dwell on it too much and simply accept everything whole-heartedly with the belief, faith that everything happens not only for the right reasons but also with the right chosen players of the game!! There should be no doubt about that...

of men and their demeanor...

You are always presented with at least two choices every time...

1. Be normal = compassionate, sensitive, sensible etc
2. Be a jackass = ruthless, arrogant, prickly demeanor etc

How you choose to behave is directly representative of the amount of self-respect you possess!

of governments and government employees...

This past week I have been a regular at a number of government offices in Madras...I wont get into the details...not for any other reason but it simply is amazingly boring just to even begin typing what I've managed to get done here...!! No no...its all relevant to the scheme of things but just an endless list of "to-dos"!! B.O.R.I.N.G!

I think its fantastic that most every employee there knows all that rules and regulations like the back of their hands -> Well, knowing what to do usually means half the job done...right? WRONG! here knowing what to do means they are 100% committed to not doing their jobs and have actual rules to support that..!! :D

I mean a request as simple as expanding my intials was made to sound as if I was asking for a complete change in the customs rules for procuring weapons grade plutonium or something else equally abominable! Ofcourse -> the fault was all mine -> I didnt "route" the request through the "proper" channel with a few hundred rupees additional special service levy!! :)

of customers and customer service...

Well...sure when you pay for a product/service...you obviously deserve delivery of that product/service within the committed/agreed time frame...

It is extremely important to realize that everyone is always attempting to deliver their end of the bargain...I mean the day all of us stop believing in that there would be a total global spiritual meltdown!

What would be left after establishing such total 'dis-belief' or 'mistrust' would be just endless negotiations...and non-performance penalty clauses...and subsequently no delivery...!!

But I think it is extremely important to still treat everyone with respect and not believe you have reasons to take away anyone's respect just because you went to him and not his competition...

I can tell you nearly all of us would agree that only the product/service was offered as part of the sale package and not the individual's respect!

This entry in here comes after being witness to some absolutely ludicrous behavior from a particularly well educated gentleman while this friend of mine was having lunch with me on a Sunday afternoon!! It is unfortunate that some of us still believe for a few hundred rupees we have the right to take away someone's time and respect anytime of the day/week/month/year!!

Changing times...

First things first - the Pune era is coming to an end.

Last 48 hours or so here...good city...wide roads...reasonable people...plenty of good restaurants...and...and...and...I know this is never ever going to happen again in my working life -> work was exactly 6 minutes away from home! :)

But heres something really interesting - the internet and phone was down for the last three or four days and honestly I couldn't care less. Parents were extremely angry about it and I am going "good lord...whats happening here?!?!" I am extremely happy about the fact that both of them are net savvy, it is a relief actually especially when you are constantly travelling and there are times when internet is more 'available' than a public phone...but I think being upset about not being able to logon to facebook is a little amusing if not worrying...

E.M. Cioran

I like reading a lot...(but I love doing nothing...!)

In fact, this past extended weekend was a true testimony to that...two of three days were spent without even opening the door of the house and the day in between I was literally forced out for something which I couldn't squirm out of as much as I wanted to.

I was introduced to Emil Cioran's world of rather brilliant nihilism a couple of years back by a person who I am particularly fond of despite rarely being in touch with each other! :)

Cioran's nihilism (and dare I say this in public domain) is more sensational than what Buddha really propounded...and makes for very thought provoking reading (whatever little there is available to read on the world wide web)

Some of the most effective thought provoking bits are -
- Glory - once achieved, what is it worth?
- A sudden silence in the middle of a conversation suddenly brings us back to essentials: it reveals how dearly we must pay for the invention of speech
- Ambition is a drug that makes its addicts potential madmen
- Anyone can escape into sleep, we are all geniuses when we dream, the butcher's the poet's equal there
- By all evidence we are in the world to do nothing.

End of the day, I dont claim to understand the exact place where this man is coming from - but I surely can comprehend some of his rather sensational "so whats" and would dearly love to get my hands on some of his full blown books!

Indo-Pak cricket a.k.a Misbah Mania!!

India vs Pakistan = Misbah vs Nehra!

Misbah's commendable preparation - sought batting tips from Indian batting maestro Ravi Shastri...!!

Nehra betrays his team midway thru the match...unfortunately Misbah saw the betrayal too late!

Gul refuses last ball single to keep Misbah on strike! :D

Singh to Gilani in reference to Misbah -> There is a good samaritan. He is the ideal role model!

Tendulkar awarded with the man of the match as a token advance for batting performance in the finals...!!

Misbah R. Shastri scr*wed over yet again! Afridi says sorry to his nation...and feels sorry for Misbah!

Misbah's cause seen worthy of a nobel prize for peace...! First time ever, an entire nation recommends it as well unanimously...!! The neighboring nation...that is..!! 

dumb conversation...!

hey!
hello!

How are you?
Ok.
Ok. Great. Lets start right away.

Describe yourself in one word.
Dumb

Describe yourself in two words.
Extremely dumb

Describe yourself in three words.
I am dumb

Describe yourself in four words.
I am extremely dumb

Can you guess the next question?
Describe yourself in five words?

No six words!! ohhhh...you just missed it by a whisker...!
I am dumber than you think

AWESOME! Well done!

Manufacturer monograms nicked...

Well...I was extremely upset when my month old car...was scratched...(presumably by kids!) and it appeared as if someone was using the right door of my car to practice alphabets!! (I could make out "A" and "Z") - in fact I felt very let down and angry that someone could be so sadistic and scratch a car for the sake of amusement!!

These days - most every car in Pune is seen without its manufacturer's monogram both under the front hood and the boot...!! Well, most every 'foreign' brand car!! CRUEL CRUEL CRUEL...!!

(Un)Healthy optimism...

The best part (if any) about coming down with a severe cold and sour throat is that at some level atleast you start to think that you sound like Morgan Freeman!! That may very well be the medication induced hallucinations - but who cares!! :P

Thank you...!!

Today is just one of those days or rather this whole week has been one of those weeks when everything has just been right...!! Picture perfect is more like it...

I am a lucky chap in life...and I want to wholeheartedly thank everyone for making me feel this way this week...this includes friends physically around...and friends who are far but in spirit always around close!!

Cheers guys...you know who you are!! :)

my skill set...

I am a borderline burn out with less than desirable social skills but what really is my biggest asset is my ability to very very quickly extinguish that seed of ambition that surfaces every once in a while, unprovoked, before it transforms itself into a serious goal!! :P - KJA

2010 - Top 5!!

This is me doing a semi-David Letterman here! Or as always attempting...!! :)

#5 - Sir, the senior citizens table is at the end of the hall...("not funny" waitress)

#4 - But seriously sir, how can we help you? (barber...)

#3 - Dude...tummy tuck PLEASE! (friend who very kindly took a few pics of me recently)

#2 - Mr. Karthik - you really have a lovely handwriting....but....(sales guy at wembley drum center...)

#1 - Sir, would you please inhale deeper so I can get the tray out...deeper...deeper...deeper...(airhostess...)