intelligence

"All my intelligence is smartly concealed by my goofiness. Ironically that bit is not intentional" - KJA 29/01/2010

acquired feelings...

"Any 'non-hate' feeling toward me is an acquired one - my family and friends are still slowly acquiring them after 30 years!" - KJA 19 Jan 2010

:) :) :)

Cleaning up!

One of the things that I did not do for sure in 2009 was tidy up - take out the accumulated trash!

The past two weeks of this new year have been rather well spent - there is this new energy and unlike in the past this time it seems to be coming from a rather positive place within and not from the usual all so familiar place of disgust and a sense of wanting to break free from the madness that it really was!

A lot of excess dead weight has been removed and there is a lot of relief is knowing that it was only a false sense of guilt or obligation that had stopped me earlier.

The long sleepless nights continue to prevail but these ones seem to be for some meaningful pursuit like the Sega pro tour world #1 on the PS3 Tennis!! - no no no - like for working on the Harvard course which was so conveniently set aside as there was no real pressure to work hard at it.

There is this great hope and self belief largely due to this wonderful start to the year 2010.

my 'blonde' moment!

Day before I stood outside my door cursing my ill luck about the door being completely jammed and being stranded outside!

Called the landlord and sought help...and her prompt justified question was "Are you sure its the right key?"

Well...ofcourse it was the right key! She said she would come have a look and well she did...only to tell me I was standing outside the wrong door!

A flat on each of the three floors - you generally don't think floor 2 is floor 3!!

That was 15 minutes of time well spent...

:)

predicament...contd

To all my patrons who have almost successfully eradicated insomnia from your lives without using potentially harmful pills - thank you for the continued patience and support...

When I said "to be continued" in February I meant it. That predicament as it turns out is just a harmless practical joke from an old friend.

Well...sure...of course the credit to these two rather potent insomnia curing entries on this blog goes to that master piece of a practical joke!

:)

zzzzzzzzz

Cheers everyone!

friends...

My list of good friends has never been in the double digits all my life! Last evening was dinner with one from that list...perhaps the most special of them all...

The venue was some place we have always been to...the food was something we have always had at that venue...most of the conversation wasnt too different either...but...it just felt real good knowing my comradeship with this person hasnt changed one bit over the past years (nearly 15) and still manage to share some laughs every (rare) occasion that we do meet!

All the very best to you my dear friend! I know you are mean but mostly you mean well...

home (and away from home!)

you dont know what you got till its gone! definitely clichéd...but trust me its very apt in my case...there have been times in my life when I would do absolutely everything possible to get out of the house...in the past few years I could actually count the number of times I have eaten at home or had a nice little afternoon nap at home!

This past week or so has been rather special...my birthday was spent at home (turned freakin' 30 this year!) and I am home for my parents anniversary which I have been missing consistently for the past few years as well...and it is time to leave home already again! Am not sure when I would get my next week at home...but I intend to make full use of it whenever it is!

deserve

In the recent past I have often asked myself this question "what did I do to deserve this?" or other variants of this like "why didn't I get it - I did everything I could have"

I guess when you sit back and give it some serious thought - more often than not there would have been something more that could have been done or simply that I didn't even want it that bad in the first place.

But what do you tell a loved one who has just invested one full year in something that he truly believed in and absolutely DID everything in his power yet did not make it? That it was not meant to be?! I just hope to know the answer to this question before I see him in less than a week's time or take the easier way out and pray he feels less miserable when I do see him.

Diwali

Festivals are rather cruel times to be by yourself...but last evening turned out to be rather nice...I was with friends for dinner. Dinner that was made by yours truly. I have taken cooking rather seriously and actually enjoying every bit of it.

It would be safe to say that the "Make something edible and feel lucky if it does not taste horrible" phase of my life is well and truly over. The last three attempts at putting together a decent Indian meal have turned out really well in the past two months here at Belgium.

I take particular pride in the phulkas which turn out extremely soft and which balloon just like in the wheat flour ad on TV (cant remember which one!)

This has been the highlight of this trip away from home. It is rather ironic that all this was never attempted seriously while in Bangalore where it was lot more easier to find the ingredients required.

Rock Climbing!

It took an aussie to let me know that there are some fun things to do in and around Bangalore! One such thing that I did attempt to do was boulder climbing at a place called hoskote...but honestly the real reason why I did attempt this one was the drive all the way to hoskote in my car...had never taken it for a long drive...

As it turned out...the drive was fantastic...and so was the climbing...whatever I watched the others do! A lot of things in life look rather simple and easy...this one surely belongs to that list...anyway...whenever I get back to Bangalore...this is surely on the to-do list...! Hopefully I shall be a better climber whenever I do get back...

the male ego & the female valentino rossi fans!

alright...this one has been long overdue...nearly 45 days...ever since I started driving full time in the beautiful city of bangalore...

the men on the road seem to demonstrate extremely creative ways of letting fellow users of the road know that....they not only own their vehicle but also the road itself...by being totally ruthless...

on the other hand...the women just keep trying their best to practice their salsa lessons while riding their bikes...all in all top notch entertainment for the full 50 minutes that it takes to reach the work location from home!

things to learn...(or rather not...)

1. compliment with caveats...
2. conditional acceptance...
3. abilty to read minds...
4. abilty to completely ignore the relevant...

oh yes! I definitely am starting to feel wonderful about myself...

tears! (correction)

friend 2 - pain + disappointment + anger (back in country + believes PS3 should have been lent to him/her)

:)

tears!

people cry for a lot of reasons - joy, pain, guilt, loss....

some people around me cried for the following reasons in the recent past -

ma - joy

pa - mostly joy (on learning that PS3 plays blue ray disks)

brother - loss of shelf space

friend 1 - joy (cos I bought the PS3)

friend 1 - more joy (cos I left it at his place...)

friend 2 - pain (cos I am back in the country)

land lord - pain (cos now I am paying rent for actually living there...additonal water consumption)

ex-boss - relief 

new boss - pain + anxiety

team mate 1 - joy (PS3 plays blue ray disks)

old friend 1 - joy (tired of PS2)

team mate 2 - mostly joy (I let him borrow my DVDs)

alright...later!

a critical analysis...

well...it is my opinion that the need/reason to change or improve something that already does the job is very simple...

MAKE THINGS MORE COMFORTABLE FOR YOURSELF!!

lets analyse this for just a moment...one of the reasons for making the play station 3 is that play station 2 was not a reason good enough for guys to get out of the following -

1. mow the lawn

2. take out the trash

3. change nappies on the new born

4. pay the bills

alright you know what I am talking about!

Now, with the play station 3, men all over the world can breathe easy about trying to come out with believable lies for excuses to their better halves!

"Sweetheart! can you find a full time job as I want to add four more trophies to my NFS collection?"

"Oh...sorry I am playing GTA now...can you please take out the trash today?" 

and the lady WILL understand whole heartedly and go "Oh sorry, I forgot you exchanged the old PS2 for the PS3...what is your new record for the day? "

ofcorse when you have the PS3 hooked up to a 53" flat screen with a yamaha home theater system...your actions are fully understood and may be even condoned like say for example...you forget to call the fire men when the kitchen is on fire or you forget to breathe and may be even die!!

is it time to run??

well...when you travel to work everyday on the same train...have coffee from the same place...that I guess means you are starting to get into a very very comfortable routine!

As with most 'routine' activities, you are going to be seeing other people whose comfortable routine  matches your own. Ofcorse, I see a lot of same faces everywhere everyday. There is this unspoken acknowledgement of the other person's presence. It is sometimes a little nod of the head or a raise of the eyebrows or rarely a little smile!

Few days back, I saw one such comfortable routine road/train person. Both of us were late for our train by a few minutes than our usual time. This person started to walk faster and faster. I followed at the same increasing pace. All of sudden the walk turned into a run. We were almost moving beside each other and clearly I believed there was no need to run as we were going to make it to our train on time. So, well I do not know why I asked but I did..."is it time to run??" 

We were both laughing after I asked this question.

"Well...dont you think its time to run?" 

"No, we will be alright. Its always late by a minute anyway"

"Yes. Ofcorse"

"Have a great day"

"Thank you. You too have a wonderful day"

Well, I do not have the slightest of clues where this person is from, work place, nothing...I know this person as 'Flemington to Townhall - 0735 AM' and we greet each other every morning!

predicament..

when you really really want something 'great' but deep down you know that you dont deserve something that great...there is very little to do other than feel a little sad and indulge in a little bit of 'Oh what if...' and playfully entertain yourself...
:(
and then quickly try to snap out of it and make the full use of the offer available to watch movies at half price!

...to be continued

Melbourne...

well...I am at melbourne for this extended weekend...for two reasons...meet this sister of mine and her husband and hopefully watch a game of tennis with federer playing at rod laver!!

the first thing has happened...and am extremely happy about that...and about the second...it knew from the beginning that it was a game of chance...NO NO I am not referring to federer being in the fourth round...but me getting the tickets for the session that he was going to play was!!

anyway...well...I managed to get a t-shirt which has 'belgrade' written in serbian from a friend/colleague at work and as luck would have it...djokovic is playing tonite's session at rod laver for which I have the ticket!!

how I got this t-shirt from him defnitely calls for another entry in this stupid blog of mine which noone reads!! :)

feelin' ALIVE!!

ok...yesterday was a crazy day..

woke up and realized that there was really nothing to do...and then decided that why not score off one item on my bucket list!!

so...made a few calls...and was on my way to a suburb called picton...oh it was soo beautiful...just peace and quiet...all the way...until the moment of truth!!

should I just call it off...I mean this was too crazy...but then just thought to myself...will I ever get this opportunity again...I simply blew away my time at singapore...doing nothing!! (am not considering the countless number of times I watched raymond and shawshank!!)

so...well...I jumped off a plane...and damn it felt good!!

why...

why are we sometimes...nicer to strangers than we are to our 'supposed' close ones...??

why is it that at times we ARE required to stomp on others just to look better...?? is that the only way we know to impress people...??

obviously...this is a morning with mixed emotions...reasons for which are better left undocumented and forgotten...

I see the world...feel the chill...

which way to go...I do not know...

I see the verse in the rain...

And now...somehow cant seem to hold the pain....

Oh dear LORD, can you not see me now...

I am myself, like YOU somehow...

I'll ride the wave where it takes me....

I'll hold the pain...

I'll wait up for you to speak to me...

Release me...Release me!!